Wellness and stress > Your Wellness Coach

Wellness Goal - Tip No 3


Your coach:
Isabelle Queval
Psychologist


The art of communicating with our children

Speaking in such a way that our children listen to us and listening in such a way that they talk to us – that’s how our kids learn to communicate well. Open lines of communication will contribute to the development of their confidence, their empathy and their autonomy, in addition to providing them with tools for asserting themselves in a spirit of respect, clearly expressing their needs and contributing to satisfactory relationships.


The technique of nonviolent communication proposed by Marshall Rosenberg can in this case become an important asset for parents. Here are the stages that summarize it:


1. Name a behavior without judgment

For the parent: rather than saying, “When you have a tantrum...,” instead try “When you’re lying down on the floor, crying and kicking your feet....”
For the child: teach him to say, “When you take a toy away from me…” instead of “You stole a toy from me.”


2. Name feeling(s)

For the parent: instead of “When you come home later than when we said, I feel you’re being irresponsible,” you can say: “I feel worried…”
For the child: make a list with him of words or drawings expressing feelings that will help him be more precise when saying “I feel good or bad.”


3. Name needs

For the parent: “When you don’t put your clothes in the laundry basket, I feel discouraged and angry, because I need support.”
For the child: draw up a list with him of possible needs and help him name one of them when the time comes.


4. Formulate a clear, precise, concrete and realistic request

For the parent: “Can you tell me in words what’s making you angry?” or “Can you call me when you think you might be getting back late?”


And teenagers?

With our teenagers, communication can become more difficult than before. But to keep the lines of communication open, to find out how they’re doing and to help them through this stage of their lives, we have to persevere. First of all, we must avoid taking their attitudes personally. Then it’s a question of being interested in what they’re doing, of asking them questions, of listening to them…


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